Squall's Wedding Chaos Style
by Quistis88 and Quis
Summary: In which Squall wakes up with a hangover, a tattoo and...his wedding that day


Quis:

One morning, in the sleepy town of Winhil, a scream, much like a bellowed oath, was heard from the rooms above the pub.

Quistis88:

"Squall, keep it down!" a feminine voice hissed.  "Or the neighbours cat will hear you again!"

Quis:

Squall grunted. He didn't know what in Hyne's name had possessed him to allow Irvine, Zell, Seifer and Nida to persuade him to go drinking the night before. As such, he now seemed to sport a rather large tattoo that vaguely resembled Greiver.

Quistis88:

"Why, Rinoa!?  Why didn't you STOP ME!?"  Burying his face in his hands, he choked and sobbed.

Rinoa pulled him into a hug and patted him on the back, trying not to look at the 'work of art'.  "There, there, Squally . . . it's . . . not that bad.  Zell did an okay job . . ."

Quis:

Squall was shocked. ZELL did his tattoo? He shook his head in amazement. "Will wonders never cease?" he said, glancing into the mirror, "You're right....It doesn't look THAT bad"

Quistis88:

"See?  Don't you feel better now?"  Rinoa smiled hopefully.

" . . . whatever . . . "

Suddenly, a startled cry from outside was heard.

Quis:

Edea's footsteps could be heard running up the stairs. "I don't care, Cid...they're far too young to get married," Squall breathed easily again. 

"Listen, Edea....They've been through more than most," Cid's voice was heard.

Quistis88:

"Well, I do agree with you on that point."  Edea mused, thinking of previous events which involved Squall, Rinoa, and . . . pink things.  Namely towels and Moogles.  Of course, no one else has to know.

Quis:

Cid chuckled. "Indeed...so, *why* are we stopping this wedding?"

Quistis88:

"For the last time, dear, they're MUCH too young!"

"Nonsense!  Why, when we were their age, we were already happily married!  We ran an orphanage, and you washed the dishes and children while I read the evening paper . . . it was all good!"

Quis:

Groaning, Edea conceded. "You know, you're right," she said, a slight smile playing on her lips. "Rinoa, dear?"

Quistis88:

"Yes, Matron?"  Rinoa (always eager to please her future matron-in-law, among other people) linked an arm through one of Squall's and dragged him towards the older couple.

Quis:

"You know, my dear.... Let's have that little chat about the big night," she said, linking an arm through Rinoa's, and drawing her away from the two men.

Quistis88:

Awkwardly, the two men stared at each other (Cid in his usual red sweater-thing and a shirtless Squall).

"So, Squall . . ." Cid began, looking at him funny.

"Yes, sir?"

" . . . when was this?"

"When was what, sir?"

"That . . . thing on your body . . . does that follow the Garden dress code?"

Quis:

"Remind me never to let Zell, Irvine, Nida and Seifer take me out on a binge-drinking contest," Squall groaned. The tattoo hurt like hell. Right now, all Squall wanted was to get his wedding over and done with, and retire as Balamb Garden Commander and resident "cold-arse"

Quistis88:

"Getting married, Squall, is like becoming a man all over again."  Cid went on.  "You have more responsibilities to keep and demands to fulfil.  Especially if you're going to have children.  Are you going to have children, Squall?"

" . . .  "

Cid ignored his lack of response.  "It's a shame Edea and I couldn't have children.  We tried, but . . . it didn't work.  So we tried again.  Of course, I didn't mind."

Quis:

[Of course you didn't mind, you randy arsehole], Squall thought, as he placed his head in his hands, anxiously waiting for Cid to shut up. He was still droning on. ".... So, we went round through Trabia, playing peek-a-boo with the kids, which is what brought me to the idea that we should have an orphanage...."

Quistis88:

Meanwhile, in a room nearby . . .

"You must be so excited, dear!  I can see you two are very much in love!"  Edea exclaimed.

Blushing, Rinoa replied, "Yes, we are!  But . . . "

"Something the matter?"

"Well, Squall just doesn't act like it sometimes.  That gets me worried."

Quis:

Edea frowned. "He's always been like that, Rinoa....but listen...He loves you more than life itself...He's never been good at demonstrating his feelings."

Rinoa smiled anxiously. This surely wasn't a good day....she felt somewhat...nauseated?

Quistis88:

Nauseated . . . or perhaps she was pregnant.  After all, Squall DOES have that kind of effect.

Quis:

Edea noticed. "Are you sure you're ok, my dear?" she asked, patting Rinoa's hand. Rinoa didn't say anything, but a huge sea of white goop came flying out of her mouth, all over Edea's black dress

Quistis88:

"Did you hear that, Squall?"  Cid looked up at the ceiling like most people do when they start hearing things.

"Yeah.  Sounded like screaming," said Squall in his usual monotone.  They listened some more.  "Now I hear squealing."

Quis:

"This can't be good," Cid muttered. Just then, Edea walked in, covered in white goop, smelling eerily to Squall like the dinner he'd had with Rinoa the night before.

Quistis88:

"Matron, what's happened?"  Squall asked.

"Rinoa got a little sick, that's all."  He started for her.  "I'll be fine, dear.  But I think you should go check on Rinoa."  Cid led her to the bathroom to wash up.

"Rinoa, eh . . . "

Quis:

Edea nodded wryly. "She looked off-colour, yet practically glowing," she said, as she scrubbed at her black dress. "I suspect..."

Quistis88:

"Ah."  Cid understood immediately.

" . . . whatever . . . I'll go see what I can do."

Squall walked in the room the ladies were just having a chat in and saw Rinoa slumped over the couch, clutching her stomach.  Squall sat down beside her.

"Rin, you okay?"

"No . . . "

Quis:

Squall looked at her anxiously, before comprehension began to dawn on his face. He'd done the ONE thing he swore he'd never do until he was thirty...get his girlfriend pregnant. "Oh, Hyne," he said, ashen faced.

Quistis88:

"It's . . . not that bad, Squall."

"That's what you said about the tattoo."

"Well, afterwards, you agreed."

Quis:

"But...this was supposed to be our Wedding day..." he trailed off, slightly disappointed. [I guess it's better to go ahead with the wedding today, instead of pulling a Laguna]

Quistis88

"It's fine, Squall.  . . . you still love me, right?"

"Yes.  And the baby.  Whatever his or her name is."

Quis:

He gathered Rinoa into his arms, and carried her off into the sunset.... Oh, woops! That's another story. Anyway...Squall held Rinoa into his arms....

Quistis88:

And whatever happened to Edea happened to our dear Commander, too.

Quis:

Eventually, the day wore on. Squall's nervousness faded as he headed down to the bar for breakfast. With a smirk, he saw the three men that he'd known all his life. Irvine, Zell...and Seifer?

Quistis88:

"Congratulations, Squall!"  Irvine shouted.

" . . . what?"  Squall was confused.

"About the baby!"  Zell yelled.

"Not so loud!  How'd you find out so fast anyway?"

Seifer, who was sitting a little ways away from the others, answered.  "While you were apparently busy knocking up Miss Timber, we put together a little . . . how you say . . . device, that fits on Angelo's collar oh-so-nicely."

Quis:

A high-pitched scream was heard to the left of Seifer's ear. He whipped his head round, only to see a glowing, angry Rinoa standing there.

Quistis88:

"Rinoa!  It's great to see you!"  Seifer put on a fake smile and patted her on the shoulder.  "How's the bride feeling today?"

"Don't even TRY to change the subject, Seifer!  I heard what you said and I heard it well!  Angelo did, too, didn't you, Angelo?"  Angelo barked.

Seifer whispered frantically to the others.  "Frick, she brought the dog!"

Quis:

Zell stared in confusion. "Frick? Wasn't that the name of Morganna's apprentice in that horrible movie called 'Merlin'?" He hissed, as Angelo barked even louder. 

"ZELL!" Rinoa hissed, "What are you blabbing on about?"

Quistis88:

"Uhh . . . nothing.  Heh heh.  Carry on!"  Zell stepped to the side, afraid of Angelo's open mouth.

Quis:

Zell, however, was caught in mid sentence by someone grappling him from the back. Shocked, Zell turned to find the violet eyes of the Balamb Librarian. "Hey Zell," she said, somewhat seductively

Quistis88:

He stammered, " . . . h-hey . . . "

"Guess what, Zelly!?" she said.

"Umm, what?"  Zell said with his arms around her, still blushing.

"I'm pregnant!"

"WHAT!?"

Quis:

Zell fell to the floor in a dead faint...He didn't revive until Irvine opened up the bar, and proceeded to pour everyone there a strong glass of beer.

Quistis88:

"Irvine, gimme some of that . . . " Zell pleaded.

"Sure, ol' buddy."

"I want one, too, please!"  The library girl piped in, eager to do whatever Zell was going to do.

"No, no, you mustn't!  No alcohol for pregnant ladies!  I don't wanna be responsible for what will happen!"

"Oh, fine . . . "

Quis:

Squall wandered around Winhil, slightly in a daze. He found himself wandering towards the church, hoping for some form of sanctuary, when....

Quistis88:

"HALT!"

Squall stopped and turned around.  He saw General Caraway.

"You there!  You're that boy that has been dating my daughter, aren't you!?"

Squall thought that the man looked rather . . . mad.

Quis:

Squall's next thought was 'Hyne help me,'

Quistis88:

Out of nowhere, an Imp appeared.  It crossed the road (just like the chicken!) and stood in front of the aging general.  It would've seemed normal, but . . . it spoke.

"Would you like some JEWELRY!?!?!  Kekekekekekekeeeeeee!!!"

Quis:

Caraway looked only slightly amused, before the ageing general felt a rather warm gush of liquid trickle down his back. The Imp had flown up, and smashed it's fangs into the man's neck.

Quistis88:

"YARGH!!!!!!!!!!"  General Caraway ran and ran, all the way out of Winhil, in search of a hospital, with an Imp still attached.

"That should keep you away from the wedding . . ." Squall mumbled.

Quis:

Meanwhile, Cid turned to Edea. With his trousers ruined he was left with only one option....Go to the wedding in his...underpants? "Edea?" he asked, "Are you sure you didn't pack another pair of trousers?"

Quistis88:

"Must you ask everything 5 times, darling?  I told you already, NO.  Unless you'd like to wear one of my dresses---"

"Er, no, honey, that's . . . fine."

Quis:

Cid sighed, turning to his ruined pants with a tired grin. It was either go to the wedding in tightie-whities, or wear one of Edea's long, filmy, clingy--dresses? He shook his head.

==Meanwhile==

Laguna Loire itched the back of his head.

Quistis88:

"So, uh . . . where's that building . . . thing?"  He asked his friends.  "You know, that place where people get married."

"A church," Kiros answered with the same tone he had used countless times once upon a time.

"Right, right, a church!"

"You know what?  I'm just gonna buy you a dictionary for Christmas."

Quis:

Kiros chuckled as Laguna frowned. Never the most intelligent of beings, his friend had always been a bit on the....dumb side. That is, unless you counted his ingenious plan to get rid of Adel....

Quistis88:

"We're gonna be late if we don't get a move on, Laguna."  Kiros said.  Ward nodded.

"Yeah, yeah.  But just think about it:  My son . . . my little Squall!  Getting married!"

"And a father, too."

"Yes, and --- WHAT!?"

"You mean you didn't know?"

Quis:

Laguna had fainted. His head hit the floor of the palace with a dull 'thud', and Kiros chuckled to himself.

Quistis88:

"Ward, go get some smelling salts.  Or play that record of Julia.  That one he likes so much."

Meanwhile . . .

Quis:

Seeing for miles the fields of Winhil stretch out before her, Quistis Trepe-Almasy stared at the chiming clock face as it boomed the hour. She couldn't believe that she and Seifer had eloped, telling nobody that they were married. With a giggle, she twisted her wedding band off, and placed it into a little pouch. Smirking, she entered the pub. "Can I have a glass of stout, please?"

Quistis88:

"Sure, ma'am.  Comin' rad up." Irvine replied.

Quistis sighed and relaxed in her seat, a small smile on her face.  She wondered where Seifer was.

Quis:

Seifer, however, was standing right behind her. Placing a hand on her shoulder, he watched as she sipped a dark glass of beer, spitting it out in shock as she turned round to see Seifer.

"Seifer!" Quistis hissed, "What are you doing here?" Seifer smirked, letting his eyes roam lazily over her body.

Quistis88:

"Looking for you," he whispered in her ear.

"Sure, you were . . . " Quistis took another sip of her drink.  "Why were you looking for me?"

"Well, I figured that once I stopped looking for you, assuming that I would've found you, I could start looking AT you.  And then, maybe we could do some other things as well."  He smirked.

Quis:

Seifer took the schooner from her hand. Taking a sip, he pulled his face. The stout was bitter. "How can you DRINK that stuff?" he asked, as he pulled her up from the barstool.

Quistis88:

"Sip and swallow.  That's all there is to it."

"You make it sound SO simple," Seifer said, rolling his eyes.

"Come on, we've no more time to waste.  The wedding is today, isn't it?"

"No, it was last week."

"I mean Rinoa and Squall's, silly."

Quis:

Seifer laughed. "Like they're actually going to get it together enough to have it happen at all today," he scoffed, putting an arm around Quistis' waist. Turning to go upstairs, the two rammed into a very embarrassed Cid Kramer, wearing nothing but his...underpants?

Quistis88:

"Whoa, Cid, watch it!"  Seifer said, shielding his eyes.  "Think of the children!"

"I have no choice!"  Cid reasoned.

"You have no PANTS."

"Lend me a pair."

"Y-no."

Quis:

"You can't do that!" Cid screamed, outraged. "I've gone hungry so you kids could eat! I've gone with bare rags on my backs just so you kids could be clothed! And this is how you repay me?" He was red in the face, angry, yet with his glasses sliding halfway down his nose, and the mop of hair more unruly, Seifer and Quistis couldn't help but well.... giggle.

Quistis88:

"Be reasonable, Cid.  You can't possibly fit into my pants.  Quistis, however, can try anytime she wants . . . "  She jabbed him.  "Ow!"

" . . . . . . "  

"Why does everyone pull a Squall on me at least once a day!?"

Quis:

Dearie me...Seifer was having a hard day...But what about Squall??? It was supposed to be his wedding, yet everything was going to...well, the dogs.  Fighting hard against the idea of eloping, Squall wandered around Winhil. Taking Rinoa by the hand, he led her to the quiet little stream that ran behind the village. Kicking off his shoes, he placed his feet into the water (socks and all)

Quistis88:

"Squally . . . what are you doing?"  Rinoa asked.

"I . . . have something I need to confess to you."

Quis:

"I wanna elope...forgo the huge church wedding.....it's turning out to be another one of those days," he placed his head in his hands, as though he had a migraine.

Quistis88:

"But what about my gown?  Do I still get to wear it?"

"Sure.  I just . . . want it to be the two of us."

"But they're our friends, Squall."

"I know . . . but all these weird things seem to happen whenever they're around.  I don't want the most important day of my life messed up."

"Oh, Squall . . . that's so sweet of you!"

Quis:

"Don't get me wrong.... I wanna get married in a church, but then there was the Moogle Factory Incident, and now Carbuncle and Cerberus both refuse to answer my calls," he said, with a slight tremor in his voice. Sighing, Rinoa laid her hand on Squall's shoulder, sitting down next to him with a smile.

Quistis88:

"It'll be all right, Squall.  We can make it together!  We've always gotten through everything fine, haven't we?"

"I . . . I suppose.  Although sometimes I just keep wondering which GF is going to run away next."

Quis:

Rinoa hid a smile. The church clock chimed three. She stood up. "You ready to face the horrors that await us, Squall?"

Quistis88:

"You mean Seifer and my father?  I guess so."

Quis:

Rinoa giggled. "And Cid, Irvine and the whole shebang," she said, smirking.

Quistis88:

Squall sighed and took her hand.  "Let's get back then.  The sooner we get married and get away from those kooks, the better it'll be for our health."

Quistis88:

Squall sighed and took her hand.  "Let's get back then.  The sooner we get married and get away from those kooks, the better it'll be for our health."

Quis:

They wended their way back through the grasslands, and towards the hotel, when an apparition appeared in front of them. It was Raine.

"Hello, my son," she said, in a far-away, wispy voice

Quistis88:

Squall jumped and Rinoa hopped behind him.  "Holy FRICK!  Who---"

"Squall . . . I am your mother."

Quis:

Squall was freaked out. Ok, firstly. He sees an apparition of his mother, his father-in-law to be gets chased out by an Imp, a very disturbing piece of news was heard about him (he was going to be a father in seven months), and then.... on top of all that, he's supposed to be getting married....

Quistis88:

Clutching his head, he ran from the scene, forgetting his wife and mother.

" . . ..  " Raine stared at Rinoa.

"Oh, don't do that," Rinoa commented.  "But now I see where he gets it from."

Quis:

Raine just smiled. "He gets what from me? He got that habit from Laguna...though he'll NEVER admit it," she said, reaching out to touch Rinoa's shoulder. Freaking out somewhat, Rinoa felt nothing but the solid flesh of a human's hand.

Quistis88:

"H-h-how come I can feel you?  Or maybe I should say, how come you can touch me?  Aren't you supposed to be dead?"

"Dead?  Since when was I dead?"

Quis:

"Since Squall was sent away to an orphanage," Rinoa retorted, now starting to freak out even more.

Quistis88:

"Oh, is that where they took him?  No wonder I couldn't find him when I finally came out from the bomb shelter!"

"There's a BOMB SHELTER?"  Rinoa was quite alarmed.  "In WINHILL?"

"Yes.  See, this is why it was so effective.  No one expected something like THAT to be here."

Quis:

Rinoa fainted.

Quistis88:

"Excuse me, miss.  Are you all right?"  Raine shook her.  "No matter.  I hear some people in the church.  Maybe if I take her there, they'll know what to do."  Picking Rinoa up, Raine marched towards the church, where everyone was ready and waiting.

Quis:

Laguna stood in the atrium, with a cocky grin on his face. He was there to see his son get married. No wonder, when Raine walked into the church, carrying an unconscious Rinoa, he too, fainted.

Quistis88:

"Laguna!?  Oh, Laguna, is that you!?"  Raine ran to his still form on the other side of the church . . . but not after dropping Rinoa onto the carpeted floor.

Quis:

The population of Winhil, the SeeDs, and practically everyone from  far and wide watched in horror as Raine dropped Rinoa to the floor and turned to her husband. She kissed him on the cheek, and Laguna seemed to revive.

Quistis88:

"R-Raine . . . ?"  Laguna slapped himself.

"Oh, Laguna, it IS you!"  She hugged him, and they watched the president turn a slight shade of purple.

Quis:

Rinoa seemed to have recovered from her fainting fit, and now stood, looking bewildered, at the reunion between Raine and Laguna. Seeing that she'd fainted after Raine had told her about the Bomb Shelter, she wondered how she'd reached the church.

Quistis88:

"She, uh . . . kinda carried you in," said Zell, when Rinoa asked him.

"Oh.  Say . . . where's Squall?"

"I dunno.  I thought he was with you."

Meanwhile, in a small alley . . .

Quis:

Squall looked left and right. He'd run here after his mother's ghost had appeared. Now, he was trapped. Two Galbadian soldiers had appeared, crawling out of the woodwork. Squall cursed himself for not bringing Lionheart with him to Winhil. Now, he was stuck with only his fists...and a certain GF known as Tonberry

Quistis88:

"Chef's Knife," Squall whispered.

Tonberry appeared behind him with his large scary knife.  The soliders stared.

Tonberry walked up slowly.

The soldiers stared.

Tonberry walked.

Then . . . the soldier's laughed.

Tonberry stopped.

Tonberry started crying.

Quis:

Squall groaned, and then, without much thought, whammed his fist into one of the soldier's faces, sending him reeling back. He collapsed on the ground with a sickening thud. The other soldier had a very basic gunblade, which Squall dodged in no time. Sending a few heavy punches the soldier's way, Squall left the alleyway, heading towards the church.

Quistis88:

But Tonberry was still there.  It stared at the unconscious soldiers.

Drying its tears with a brown sleeve, it pondered, "Fine then.  Don't call me if you don't need me!"  *poof* and it was gone.

Squall ran and ran, when suddenly . . . 

Quis:

He rammed into the door of the church. Silently cursing, he rubbed his noggin, and opened the door. He was late.

Quistis88:

"You're late," Zell said.

Irvine elbowed him.  "THANK YOU, Zell, for stating the obvious."

Squall, using his peripheral vision, spotted his mother beside his father.

"Who --- what --- what the HECK!?"

Quis:

Zell frowned. "I dunno, myself," he said, shrugging before pulling the Commander up to the altar. "Now, buddy, you're gettin' married now, you can't back out of it."

Quistis88:

Squall began.  "But I'm not even dre---"

Edea snapped her fingers.  "Not dressed?  You are now."

"Uh, thanks, Matron."  He joined Zell and the others, and stood in front of the priest.  He looked up to the priest for reassurance and came face-to-face with . . .

Quis:

Kiros. Kiros Seagil. "Now that the groom is here, the wedding can proceed," he said, winking at Laguna from the corner of his eye. Laguna smiled, and wrapped an arm around Raine's waist.

Quistis88:

Music played from an unseen location and everyone turned to look at the door, where Rinoa walked in with Cid.  In his underpants.

Quis:

The wedding ceremony began soon. Without any hiccups. Kiros joined their hands in marriage, and as Squall bent down to kiss Rinoa....

Quistis88:

Zell choked on air.  "Oh, gah, I can't look!"  He turned his back to Cid.

Quis:

It was, to say the least, funny. One would think that a shirtless Squall with a Greiver tattoo on his back, bending down to kiss Rinoa, who was wearing the most exquisite gown, would never have happened in a million years. As they broke the kiss, the crowd cheered.

Quistis88:

There was a loud cry from Cid's corner as he bolted from the church.  "YES!  I CAN PUT ON SOME PANTS!!!"

Quis:

Rinoa tossed the bouquet, and Selphie, smiling serenely, caught it. 

The end.


End file.
